AS BRITTLE AS

Sometimes i feel like my heart would stop and i wont be able to breath again,
to see again, to feel again, as sad as it sounds, in my head something just makes me feel like its for the best,
A lifeless me wont hurt,
A breathless me wont shed tears,
A pulse less me won’t get depressed,
You make dying sound like a better idea,
You make life seem less interesting ,
Dont you feel bad that you could make someone wish they never existed? Forget never meeting you, existence itself feels all wrong with you.
Sometimes i stomach everything because letting you hurt me won’t be as painful as watching you move on, because you will do so very authentically,
because you are a God of your own creation, a place where u place threads on me and play me like a puppet,
A willing puppet that i am,
My pain yet my relief,
My torturer and still my redeemer
Isn’t it shocking that no matter how hard you breath life out of me, i still manage to stick? rotten, sorry, afraid of lonely doors?
Shame on me for my weakness,
Shame on me because when everyone looks upto God, i look up to you

How pathetic.